Dirk Killing It On Letterman's Top Ten List

"It might land me a Kardashian sister!!!"Funny because it's true. Kardashian's are famous for jersey chasing. Let Dirk smash Kardashians. Maybe even all of you at the same time. That's a sex tape I would actually pay for.

ESPN Is Racist As Shit

Ha. Really ESPN? You show Thomas Jefferson first, knowing he won't know who the fuck he is and George Jefferson last, knowing he for sure knows who George Jefferson is. Al Sharpton is not going to be happy about this one. Shame on you ESPN. Shame on you. "You'll have to marry someone named Weezy." Yeah, good one dip shit. He should marry Lil Wayne. Pretty sure no one else is named Weezy anymore accept Weezy F. Baby. Stupid ESPN anchors always trying to be all clever and shit.

George "Thomas" Jefferson?

Mavs Parade/Celebration Is Still Going Strong

From ESPN:

DALLAS -- Standing on an arena balcony, Dirk Nowitzki led the Dallas Mavericks and thousands of fans in singing their new favorite song: "We Are The Champions."
Team owner Mark Cuban led fans in another round of the chorus, with Jason Kidd holding the Larry O'Brien Trophy.
The joyous scene came Thursday at the end of a parade honoring the NBA champs. An expected crowd of 250,000 -- although it may have been more -- endured temperatures approaching 90 degrees to enjoy a party 31 years in the making since this one is the first title in Mavericks history.
There was still one more layer to the party, a ceremony with 10,000 season-ticket holders inside American Airlines Arena. The plaza around the building was filled to its 3,000-person capacity about two hours before the parade even began.
Fans filled the streets and sidewalks all along the roughly mile-long route between the convention center and the arena. Franchise founder Donald Carter and his wife, Linda, for whom he started the club as gift, were in the lead vehicle, a white convertible.
"Fantastic," Carter said.
In a waiting area at the start of the parade, Cuban clutched the championship trophy as entertainer Jamie Foxx, who is from the Dallas area, joined the fun. Most wore T-shirts that read, "Raise the Banner," and other championship gear. Cuban tweeted several pictures from the holding area.
"It's unbelievable," Nowitzki said as he took a cigar from teammate Jason Terry before boarding his float. "If it hasn't sunk in yet, it will now. ... We're on the top of the world now so it feels amazing. For 13 years I've waited for this moment. It's amazing and we're all going to enjoy it."
At the end of the parade, those who rode along said they were overwhelmed by the turnout -- people as far as they could see.
"I'm numb," said Donnie Nelson, the team's president of basketball operations.
Temperatures were in the mid-80s at the start of the parade and a high of around 100 was in the forecast, according to the National Weather Service. There were several reports of fans overcome by heat before the parade even began.
Inside the arena, most people came wearing blue, as they did throughout the postseason. They watched the parade and outdoor scene on the video board, chanting "M-V-P!" along with the fans outside when Terry introduced Nowitzki and singing along when Nowitzki began crooning. They also were treated to video clips from the finals and some behind-the-scenes footage in the locker room, the bus ride from the arena and the next morning at the hotel.

Watching this on TV right now is pretty awesome, but I'm kind of pissed I couldn't find anyone willing to go with me to Dallas for the celebration. Shit excuses from everyone. Oh I can't I have a test for my summer class, no I can't I have work, sorry I have heart surgery. All shit excuses. Dirk played with a torn ligament in his finger and a 120 degree fever, so the least you could do is take a day off to get drunk and roam around Dallas in honor of a unbelievable 2011 championship. Stop being selfish.

Fucking Canadians

I can only hope the Mavs' parade is half as fun!

Big Gigantic And Widespread Are Throwing It Down Today

This is at Wakarusa this year. I was there two weekends ago and I'll be there tonight. Fuck... I am really awesome.

Canada Is Fucking Burning

Blah blah blah hockey, blah blah Stanley Cup, blah blah blah. Oh wait, Vancouver fans are burning their fucking country down. I mean hey, if all you had was the Toronto Blue Jays and the Toronto Raptors in real sports you might burn your fucking country down too if you lost the Stanley Cup too.

Tales From "Crocodile Nowitzki": A True Story Of A Tall German Child And His Road To Redemption

From: "Crocodile Nowitzki," a 2007 story by Jesse Hyde in the Dallas Observer:

Dirk Nowitzki was lost. And he was starting to stink.
He had come this far, deep into the Australian Outback, and now that it was dark, he didn't know where he was. Not exactly, anyway. He'd ended up on a patch of wind-swept dirt, surrounded by sagebrush and stiff yellow grass, a place to park the Jeep and build a campfire.
The closest town of any significance was Alice Springs, or the Alice, as the locals called it. It was once a telegraph station so remote it had to be stocked by camel train. Aborigines could still be seen at times on its outskirts, wading shirtless in the muddy Todd River. But that was 250 miles away. Other than the wind, which blew softly through camp, the night was silent.
Nowitzki sat in front of the fire, strumming his guitar and sipping his whiskey straight from the bottle. He had stopped shaving days ago and didn't know when he would bathe next. He had been in Australia for a week and a half, even though it was May, and by all accounts he should have been somewhere else. He should've been on a basketball court, leading the Dallas Mavericks deep into the NBA Playoffs. He should've been winning a championship. But for the second year in a row, the season had ended in disappointment. Once again people were questioning his mental toughness.
He had but one traveling companion on this trip, his mentor Holger Geschwinder, a mostly bald 62-year-old German with puffy bags under his eyes and a big Roman nose that looked like it had been broken in a fistfight, or several fistfights over the years. In the light of the fire, his features looked sharp, as if his head had been cut from granite.
Nowitzki had come to Australia because he didn't want to be recognized. He didn't want to be reminded of his failures, of the places he should have been.
In his haste to leave Dallas, he had failed to consider one thing-it was winter in Australia, meaning darkness would fall early each night of his trip. At the present moment, sitting in front of the fire, there was nothing to do but sit and think, or talk to Geschwinder.
"Why me?" Nowitzki wondered, gazing into the glowing embers. "Why is this happening to me?"
He had just a few weeks to find the answer.

Crocodile Nowitzki. Just kind of rolls of the tongue doesn't it. Croc Nowitzki for short. Sheeeee-it, might have to make a shirt right thurrr. Reading this excerpt from the Dallas Observer and this Deadspin article has convinced me that Dirk "Croc" Nowitzki is now my number one athlete that I wish I could personaly hang out with or know. Nolan, Troy, Dion, Irving, Emmitt, are up there for sure, but I can't tell you what I'd do to jam the fuck out with Dirk in Australia while drinking whiskey straight from the bottle. If the make a wish foundation did charidy for 20 something year old bloggers who were diagnosed as terminally ill, I would poison myself until I got something just so that wish could come true. Is saying that I would die for Dirk a little extreme? No. Because I would.