The Rangers Got Back Treanor And His Sexy Volleyball Playing Wife

From ESPN:
The Texas Rangers have made two trades prior to Wednesday night's 11 p.m. CT trade deadline, acquiring Matt Treanor from Kansas City for cash considerations and lefty Mike Gonzalez from Baltimore for a player to be named later.

Matt Treanor's wife is Misty May. How much does that sound like a porn name?

Nelson Cruz Is Headed To The DL

Bad news: Nelson Cruz tweaked his hammy and will be out for around 3 weeks. Probably at the worst possible time.
Good news: I am excited to Leonys Martin. He's 23 and supposedly fast as shit. Watching fast people play sports is fun.

No One Is Going To Stop Anything Ever Again!!!

Fuck it.

Madden 12 Comes Out Tonight At Midnight... Uhhhhhhhh

Fucking EA Sports making me wait two extra weeks for this shit. Usually the game comes out right after the first preseason game. I guess it had to do with lockout nonsense. Either way, I am ready like a motherfucker for some Madden.
So here's to the first ever Madden game to have a white guy who is not a QB or named Madden on the cover.

By the way my gamertag on 360 is Funktown817. I promise you'll get toasted if you challenge me.

Fuck An Offensive Line... Right?

The Cowboys released Pro Bowl center Andre Gurode today. So far they have release Marc Culumbo, Leonard Davis, and now Gurode. I say we just go into to the season being the first team to line up without an offensive line. Hey Romo can scramble right? You know what burns me almost the most, is that when we show up to the season with the least prove offensive line in the league and Tony starts out a little shaky because he's running for his goddamn life, people will be calling for his head. This is fucked and everyone needs to know it. Let's hope Phil fucking Costa is a good enough center to start in the NFL.

There Are No Words

This should start your week off right. Seriously internet? Do you have no boundaries? It's kind of like looking out into space. Who really knows where it ends?

The Rangers Are On Sunday Night Baseball

The Rangers are going up against Nasty Weaver tonight. Every time I see this guy I can't help but think of the song Dreamweaver, but with the lyrics changed to "ohhhh nasty Weaver"



I'm not calling the guy nasty Weaver because of his pitching, albeit nasty, but because the guy just looks fucking nasty. Or as the Ricky and Julian would say "the guy is greasy, real greasy."

This Looks Like Shit

Well I guess Hollywood had to go and ruin something great. Fear and Loathing was awesome. This looks like total and complete nonsense. Go fuck yourself Hollywood.

Fruit Gushers Man Killing It

Just in case you haven't seen the original you should probably watch it first to real understand how creepy this is.

I Realize That Hurricanes Are All The Rage Right Now But I Just Found My Favorite Earthquake Video

That guy on the right is a fucking asshole. "Did you know that Manhattan would just disintegrate?" What an ass. Got to love the guy in the middle though. Just loosening his tie like a boss. LIKE A BOSS.

Rock Me Like A...

As It Turns Out The Hurricane Is Hilarious

I'm sure this video will get yanked because of dong shot. Oh well get your dong while it lasts.

Maybe This Hurricane Has Been Sent By Divine Powers To Rid Humanity Of People Like This

God, New York is a cesspool.

Not Going To Lie I'm Looking Forward To Irene Destroying Half Of New York

I know this makes me a bad person. I imagine that people addicted to gambling hate the fact that they love gambling, but they just can't help but to enjoy it. That's how I feel about natural disasters. Should I feel bad? Absolutely positively yes! Do I? Absolutely positively not.
Why:
Disaster videos are kick ass and I can pretend they don't effect me because no one that I love or care about happens to be in them.
Tsunami videos? Awesome
Tornado videos? Awesome
9/11 videos? Awesome Horrible, but cool if you think it as a shitty Michael Bay scene

Like I said, I'm not proud of myself yearning for destruction. I can't help it.

For Whatever Reason This Is The Most Unsettling Picture I've Seen In A While

I just want all of you people on the East Coast to think this as the Hurricane murders you.

Locomotive Curt Drops Those Dope Ass Beats

Choo chooooooo....

Tonight Is Kind Of Important

From TexasRangers.com:

"It's an important series," Rangers second baseman Ian Kinsler said. "It's two teams in a division trying to win a division. It's like any other division. That's how it works out. ... The last couple years, it's been us and the Angels. They understand that, we understand that. It's not extra-intense or an extreme rivalry, but we definitely know what's at stake."



Ok maybe an important series. All I'm hoping is that the reason we looked so terrible against the Red Sox (minus the CJ rape fest shut out) is that we were on a slump and they were on a hot streak. And you can't forget that the Red Sex are also one of the best teams in baseball. Shit was pretty disgusting to watch. All I'm saying is that the rest of our pitching better step the fuck up. And I think Holland is up for the task. Get the blankets out, it's time for some Dutch Oven.

Rangers: Holland goes to extremes
• Holland is 5-1 over his past nine starts. During that time, he's recorded three shutouts, but also posted a 6.09 ERA in the other six starts. He's 4-3 with a 5.40 ERA in his career against the Angels.


"The main thing is just keeping my focus," Holland said. "Staying composed, and taking it one pitch at a time. Don't worry about anything else. It's exciting. It's going to be packed, it's a big game, but it's all about taking it one pitch at a time and not getting too caught up in the hype."


• The Texas rotation has allowed at least six runs in each of the last three games. The starters' ERA during the last seven games is 7.43.


• The Rangers' offense is hitting .197 in the last eight games and has collected eight hits or fewer during that span.

Hurricane Claire!!!!!!!!!!

The East Coast Better watch the fuck out. There is a big a bitch coming to destroy you!!!!!!!

Why yes Claire, I can do a post on the hurricane you fuck.

Here Are Some 2011 Cowboys' Schedule Wallpapers

I'm going with the Romo. I FUCKING RIDE WITH ROMO. If Romo ever had an offensive line maybe the rest of yall idiots would too.

You can click those bitches to make them bigger

World Star Hip Hop Is Taking Over The Market Share Of Internet Videos

How can other sites compete with this shit. You got knockouts with multiple shots to the face after the guy is unconscious and to top it off you have fucking black marsupials with babies hanging out of their pouch to stop it. White people just can't compete with that.

White Michael Vick Is Scary

Apparently ESPN the Magazine is doing an expose on Michael Vick IF HE WAS WHITE. Newsflash ESPN, if Michael Vick was white he probably wouldn't have fought dogs, and he if he would have fought dogs he definitely wouldn't have been caught. Silly ESPN trying to make a hypothetical seem super racist. I guess when you realize you work for a magazine and that print is dead you have to spice it up a little bit.

Click Here if you feel like reading it.

More Devastation From The Epicenter Of Destruction

OOOOOOOHHHH THE HUMANITY!

I guess the rule os being a hipster is that if your skinny you have to have glasses and scarves, and if you happen to be overweight you have to have a beard.

I Guess I Have To Say Something About The Catastrophic Earthquake That Ravaged The East Coast Today

WARNING! WARNING!
These images may be too graphic for some:

Buckethead

Or Buckethead:



And here is a little info about Buckethead from his Wiki page:
While performing in his theatrical persona, Buckethead used to wear a KFC bucket on his head, emblazoned with an orange bumper sticker that reads FUNERAL in capital black block letters, and an expressionless plain white costume mask. More recently, he has switched to a plain white bucket no longer bearing the KFC logo. He also incorporates nunchucks and robot dancing into his stage performances.[2][3] Buckethead's persona represents a character who was "raised by chickens" and has made it his "mission in life to alert the world to the ongoing chicken holocaust in fast-food joints around the globe."[4]
An instrumentalist, Buckethead is best known for his electric guitar playing.[5] He has been voted number 8 on a list in GuitarOne magazine of the "Top 10 Greatest Guitar Shredders of All Time"[6] as well as being included in Guitar World's lists of the "25 all-time weirdest guitarists"[7] and is also known for being in the "50 fastest guitarists of all time list".[8]

Oh yeah, Buckethead is playing the House of Blues in Dallas October 5th. Should be buckets 'o fun.

Meanwhile In Memphis

I guess when you got ghetto fights going down all over the Memphricka Memphis, you have to police the city equipped with the skills to overcome these obstacles. Enter cop with doorag and extremely awesome ghetto fight skills.
AMERRIIIIICAAAA!

Lebron James Is A Pussy

Anyone who can't jump off a diving board without hesitation and happens to be over the age of 8 is a certified pussy. If I was a Heat fan this would be the exact moment I was positive that Lebron will never win me shit.

TCU Made A Video

I can't really tell if I like it or not.

Houston Texas Is A Classy City

Weaves errrrwhere mayne!

Best Video To Hit The Internet?

Buffalo Bill ain't got shit on creepy fucking mask guy.



I thought this mixup was pretty good. I've always been a pretty big Buffalo Bill fan. Who doesn't want to wear fat chick's skin?

And one other relevant video:


and one other relevant video

He Is Risen... He Is Risen Indeed!

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America... Fuck Yeah!

Brock Lesnar! Fuck Yeah!
Barret 50. Cal! Fuck Yeah!
Killing Varmints! Fuck Yeah!
Jimmy Johns! Fuck Yeah!
Jack Links Beef Jerky! Fuck Yeah
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I Want To Play Sky Zone Dodge Ball So Much That It Is Hurting My Insides

This looks more fun than anything that I have ever done. Well at least anything I have ever done sober.

The Rangers Have Been Fucking The Shit Out Of The American League West

Does this video have anything to do with that? No.
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Giant rodent | US water treatment plant

 Latest Nesw from US
A vast South American rodent weighing at beginning 100 lbs has been spotted at a California waste-water form facility, but has owing to invisible clout the brush.
The dogface was identified in that a capybara, which is the world's largest rodent, and present feeds on vegetation.

"If you trust a giant guinea repelling is cute, thereupon you prosaic would dig it," oral Todd Tognazzini, a lieutenant keep from the California rasher of Fish also Game.

The capybara is believed to perform an natural pet, Mr Tognazzini spoken. perceptible was press on experimental about two weeks ago at a waste-water plan resourcefulness reputation Paso Robles, a hamlet guidance a healthy upgrowth region about 175 miles northwest of Los Angeles, he said.

An employee at the imbed took photos of the animal, which is estimated to set 2 feet tall, being live crawled over of a pond.

The capybara's South American dwelling ranges from Panama to northeast Argentina, east of the Andes, according to a personality on the website of the San Francisco Zoo.

Blake Griffin Is Either Hilarious Or An Idiot... Not Completely Sure

Trooooof.

Drunk Guy Stumbles Two Girls To Death At Lollapalooza

I don't understand why the girl filming this is freaking out. Bitches were in the base path and drunk wasted guy had to steal third. Classic drunk wasted guy.

CJ Wilson On The Tit Tonight. Also Talking Mad Shit.

From ESPN:

ARLINGTON, Texas -- Rangers pitcher C.J. Wilson made it clear that he won't have the Oakland A's on his list of potential free-agent destinations this winter.
The lefty is slated to open a three-game series at Oakland on Friday night, and on Wednesday before the Rangers closed their homestand against the Seattle Mariners with a 4-3 loss, Wilson said he finds little to like about the team or its home on the east side of the Bay.
"I hate pitching there. The mound sucks, the fans suck. There's no fans there," Wilson said, free-flowing off a question about the ample foul territory at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum. "It's too bad because the fans that are there are really adamant and they're really stoked on the team and they play drums and they wave flags and that's cool. But, you know, some games you go there and there's like 6,000 people there.
"It's kind of sad because it's a major league team and there's guys out there that are obviously pretty good players -- guys like (Trevor) Cahill and Gio Gonzalez, obviously they are All-Star pitchers -- and I just wish that the fan base supported them a little bit more."
The Rangers will get to escape the 100-degree temperatures that have gripped the region for more than a month, but Wilson said the home fans in Arlington make it preferable for him to pitch in the sweltering heat of North Texas than the mild climates of Northern California.
"I'd rather pitch here than in Oakland. I like the fans here a lot better, so you don't have to worry about me signing there after the season," Wilson said. "They hate me there anyways so it doesn't matter. The players on their team hate me, whatever; I don't care."
Wilson, who is 1-2 against the A's this season and 0-1 at Oakland -- going seven innings in each start and allowing a total of eight earned runs -- said the hatred stems from being on rival clubs and because the Rangers clinched the American League West title and celebrated on the A's field a year ago.
"It's true, dudes on their team don't like me, I get it," Wilson said. "We're rivals. We're trying to beat them. When I was here in '05 and the Angels beat us we didn't like that. (The A's) had to watch us celebrate on the field last year; they're not going to like that. I'm sure they think that. Whatever motivates you. I think that about other players on other teams. So, it's like I'm sure guys think that about me at some point."
"I talked to Napoli about that," Wilson continued, referring to teammate Mike Napoli, the former Los Angeles Angels catcher, "and he said he hated me when he played for the Angels."
Wilson will enter Friday's game with a 10-5 record and a 3.35 ERA, looking for his first victory since July 16. He is 0-2 in his past four starts, including a complete-game loss against Angels ace Jered Weaver in Anaheim on July 21. It was the last time Wilson has lasted more than 6 2/3 innings.
The three-game set at Oakland starts a 10-game, three-city road trip highlighted by four games in the middle against the Angels, who started Tuesday night 1½ games behind the Rangers.
Wilson said the A's series is key because the Rangers have sometimes approached games against teams with lesser records, like Oakland, "lackadaisically."
"I think sometimes we go into those things thinking our record is so much better than this team so whatever, and that's not the right way to do it," Wilson said. "You have to be like this is a major league team, we have to beat them, we have to outplay them every inning.
"I think that's the difference when we win games and when we lose games to teams like that. Sometimes we take it a little bit lackadaisically I think, for lack of a better term. I want to go out there and throw a shutout against every team. It doesn't matter who it is."
The Rangers avoided arbitration with Wilson, 30, after last season, his first as a starter. Texas signed him to a one-year deal worth $7 million, up from his $3.1 million salary in 2010 when he helped Texas advance to the franchise's first World Series.

It's nice to hear some one come out and talk shit in baseball. I don't think it happens enough. You hear it in football all the time, and even in basketball, but not as much in baseball. And as weird as CJ is with his no drinking, no smoking, Japanese tattoo lifestyle, I admire his courage to speak out on other organizations. A's have shit fans. Yeah, they have a few guys that bang drums around, but when there's only 6,000 fans in the stands, who wants to play for that. That's what happens when you have a baseball team in Oakland.

Chubby Guy Loves Him Some Tiger

Too bad that truffle shuffle couldn't get it in the hole.

Riot Bro Gets Blindsided By Other Bro

Get off my store bro.

Roy Williams Continues To Be Himself In Chicago

From ESPN:


Chicago Bears rookie free agent Jimmy Young wasn't sure what to make of the text message congratulating him for not pulling a "Dez Bryant," but he quickly learned.
Young, following the rookie tradition of carrying a veteran's shoulder pads after practice in training camp, carried the gear of former Dallas Cowboys receiver Roy Williams after a recent session.
Williams had asked Bryant to do the same last year in Cowboys camp, and Bryant's refusal generated several days of headlines.
"I was [aware of the Bryant incident] after I did it," Young said Wednesday. "I got a text message from somebody, and they were just like, 'Man, I'm glad you didn't pull a Dez Bryant.' I'm like, 'What?'
"They just said something about me carrying Roy Williams' pads, and I told them that it wasn't a big deal to me at all. I had a free hand. I just grabbed them and went with it. It wasn't a big deal. But I was fully aware of the Dez Bryant deal."
Williams laughed about getting back to tradition as a guest on "The Ben And Skin Show" on ESPN Dallas 103.3 FM.
"Oh man, it was lovely," Williams said. "I was like, 'Hey 19, take my pads.' 'Yes sir.'
"There was no, 'I ain't got to do this ...' none of that, so it was good."
Young, from TCU, believed it was part of his role as a rookie in training camp.
"I think it's a mixture of both [respect and rookie tradition]," he said. "You respect the player, and it's just something that you understand is going to happen. You being a rookie, and an undrafted rookie at that, you feel like you have to do things like that. It's part of the game, and it's part of being a rookie.
"So I didn't second-guess it, didn't think twice about it. He asked me to do it, and I got it done."

I realize this is a pretty big article for a non-story, but I'll post anything that makes Roy Williams look like the shitty drama filled player that he is. You would think that he would be trying to do things a little differently in Chicago then he did in Dallas with how things turned out for him, but that just shows you the real Roy Williams. Still a 10 pound bag of shit in a five pound bag, and acting a bitch. Have to say that I'm proud of TCU's Jimmy Young for avoiding the drama that is Roy to the Williams. Not a big deal to carry shoulder pads. Now watch Jimmy Young steal his spot just like Dez did. Row Williams worst fear = rookie receivers. Rookie receivers > Roy Williams. Roy Williams = SHIT.

Post Game Ranger Fans Are The Fucking Worst

Is there anything worse than these fucking assholes? We lost a game by one run to a division opponent and that calls for a you got served break dance circle? "Woohooo!!! We lost be a fucking run, but I don't give a shit cause I'm gonnabe on TV". Just like the same assholes who dress up like mario and luigi or some goofy shit just so Jim Knox (or the douche bag filling in for Jim Knox) will interview them. Fuck Jim Knox and fuck these fake fans who care way too much about dressing up, sideline reporters, and bullshit theatrics. How bout you give a shit about the game. When we lose, I am fucking pissed. Pissed because I hate losing and pissed because I just spent 40 or 50 bucks on beer and parking when I could have just watched the game at home. Walking out, I always hope someone talks shit about the rangers just so I could have an excuse to lose my shit and throw a punch. Not saying I'm a hard ass, I just always roll deep as fuck when I go to Ranger games. Just how I do. When is it ok to not give a shit? Rain delays or rain outs. Then go ahead. Drink, do the wave, and have circle jerk break dance parties all you want. Just not after losing by one run. At least the blond chick gave a shit. "Would have been better if we won." Sad when the drunk blond is the only fan back there that knows what's up.

If you asked me to explain this picture I couldn't.Why, because it was a rain delay so I got black out and strolled around the park yelling Texas Rannnnnnngers at everyone. No idea who this homeless kid cudi looking kid is either.

P.S. Who the fuck does that guy think he is wanting birthday wishes for November and December birthdays? What planet do you live on bud? That shit is 3-4 months and 50 degrees from now. Get out of the heat bro. Your mind is shit.

P.P.S. Does the preview of that youtube video not make it look like her sign says "Rangers Suck. So Does Jim Knox." Now that's a sign I could respect after a loss.

Old News Comin' At Ya Hot Today

Sorry I've been a real slap shlong lately, but it's easy to lose motivation when you're being paid virtually nothing and you're a lazy fuck. Anyways, I'll try to bring shaboomin up to speed on some shit that's been going down. At least for now.

In-N-Out Burger Is Finally Opening on 7th Street

From the Star-Telegram:
FORT WORTH -- In-N-Out Burger -- the California chain with a cultlike following for such items as Animal Style burgers with mustard fried into the patties -- opens its first Tarrant County restaurant at 10:30 a.m. Thursday at 2900 W. Seventh St. in Fort Worth.


So I recently tried the In-N-Out in Dallas. It was good. Nothing to cum your pants about or anything. My opinion: Love Shack and Dutch's are both better burgers, but you can't beat In-N-Out being $3. If I was in high school I would think this was way more badass. I was broke as fuck in high school. Spent literally every cent of my allowance on pot, alcohol, cigarettes, and Wendy's Texas Doubles.

Cheerleading Bros Are The Worst Kind Of Bros

Yeah Bro! We totally threw a girl through a basketball hoop! High five! Bro chest bump! Who gives a fuck that she cracked her skull!

Fucking cheerleader bros. Worst bros ever.

YoYo Guys Have Soooo Much Swag

YoYo swag.

Happy Tuesday Morning

So I Guess Youtube Is Interactive Now... Still Weird As Fuck

Click the video when instructed. Weird. The internet is weird.

This Sonic Commercial Reminds Me Of The Big Lebowski

Right? Really the only time I watch commercials is during sporting events. It just so happens that Sonic sponsors the shit out of the Rangers so I feel like I have been immersed with Sonic. Good campaign though.

I Condemn The Hell Out Of This Picture

There is absolutely nothing funny about this. Nothing.
OH YEAH!

I realize I haven't written anything about Michael Young getting 2000 hits. MY2K. Big whoop.

Just For The Record I Think This Video Is Stupid

New Romance - Miles Fisher from Miles Fisher on Vimeo.

I couldn't ignore it anymore. This video is plastered all over the fucking interweb. It's a fucking cop out. Just add Saved By The Bell and some corny violence and you get millions of views. Also I just lost all respect for Miles Fisher. Who by the way made one of the best parody videos of all time prior to this catastrophe.

Feeling Nostalgic

I don't if anyone else listened to the Kids of Widney High back in the day, but I jammed the shit out of some Widney High. I always thought they were called the retard choir though.

Is This For Real?

From some UK site:

Geoff Davies, 37, worked in the maintenance department of the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club which host the Wimbledon Championship and are rushing to get ready for the start of the tournament on Monday.
Though already sacked for insubordination after calling officials ‘a bunch of pricks’, a more senior maintenance officer saw Davies walking across the forecourt and, unaware of the disciplinary action, ordered him to return to Centre Court and ‘get started with the line marking machine’.
It was then that Davies left his parting message to the Wimbledon authorities.
While it remains unclear as to whether charges will be bought against him, Davies remains defiant.
“I only wish I’d had more time,” he said today from his home in Maidstone, Kent. “I’d have added a bit more detail to the shaft.”

A dong to end all dongs.
(just for the record I don't think this is real. One can dream though, can't they?)

Whale Dick

was anyone else thinking this chick was going to try to fit it in her mouth.

Crasians Being Asian And Crazy As Usual With New Iphone Case

Here's a little bit of literature from the website that sells the awesome Iphone cases:
やさしく握って♪
やわらかくって、あたたかくって、ギュッて握ると安心するものなーんだ？
答えはそう・・・『手』。
そんな愛があふれた手を、iPhone4ケースにくっ付けちゃいました♪本物の女性と子どもの手の型を取って作られているので、そのリアルさは、夜中に見ると心臓が飛び出るくらい！
iPhoneをこのケースにはめて、手を繋ぐみたいに優しく握ってあげて。なんだか、母性をくすぐられちゃうわよ☆

It boggles my mind that anyone can read this shit.

This Video Reminded Me That At One Time I Really Enjoyed Rollerblading

Greg Mirzoyan - Bombing down the salt mine in Poland. from Rollerblade on Vimeo.

Rollerblading was the shit. Rollerhockey was the tits. Rollerblading down a mine shaft might be a little too tits for me.

The Ryan Brothers Have Soooooooo Much Swag That There's No Swag Left For Anyone Else

Rob Ryan:
“I know I can coach in this league,” he said. “I know I can lead men — and I want my chance. My brother has done a great job as a head coach; my father did a great job as a head coach. I will do a better job than both.”

Rex Ryan on his recent tattoo:
“Believe in yourself,” Ryan said in a video posted on the team’s Facebook page yesterday. “Which I’ve got no problem doing.”

Can you imagine what kind of shenanigans would go down if these two were both coaches for the same team. SWAG MELTDOWN.

Hugh Hefner Is Senile

30 year old Hugh would definitely punch billion year old Hugh in his artificial boner for this. Planking is the opposite of cool. Hef used to be too cool for school, now he's is just old and senile and probably does whatever the bimbo blondes he has around tell him to do.

Seriously, does that look like a guy you'd think would plank?