is psawyner dunzo? say it aint so.

DEAR LOYAL VIEWERS OF ONE TREE HILL,

THOSE OF YOU WHO VIEWED LAST MONDAY’S PRE-FINALE SAW ONE OF THE MOST PHENOMENALLY EVENTFUL EPISODE’S OF THE SHOW’S ENTIRE EXISTENCE.

PEYTON SAWYER BECAME PEYTON SCOTT, JULIAN REAPPEARED FORCING THE JEALOUSLY OUT OF BOMBSHELL BROOKE DAVIS, NATHAN SADLY REVEALED THAT HE MAY BE DONE CHASING HIS DREAM OF BECOMING THE BASKETBALL SENSATION HE HAS TRIED SO HARD TO BECOME (HOPEFULLY THAT DOESN’T MEAN LESS TOPLESS SCENES, BECAUSE THAT WOULD JUST BE TRAGIC FOR EVERYONE), AND OF COURSE THE FINAL MINUTES SHOWED PEYTON WAITED BLEEDING PROFUSELY, WHICH WAS WARNED COULD POTENTIALLY HAPPEN GIVEN THE COUPLE CHOSE TO GO THROUGH WITH THEIR HIGH-RISK PREGNANCY.

NOW... I HAVE BEEN A DEDICATED FAN OF ONE TREE HILL FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS AND A VARIETY OF ONE TREE HILL-ESQUE LIKE SHOWS, WHICH ALWAYS LIKE TO LEAVE THE LEAD CHARACTER IN POTENTIALLY FATAL CLIF-HANGERS IN ORDER TO KEEP THE FANS INTERESTED; HOWEVER, THIS TIME MAY BE DIFFERENT.

I HAVE READ IN NUMEROUS MAGAZINES & BLOGS (TAKE IT FOR WHAT THEY’RE WORTH, COUGH COUGH... THIS IS A BLOG AS WELL. I KNOW I’M NO CNN) BUT IT HAS BEEN REVEALED THAT HILARY BURTON (WHO PAYS PEYTON SAWYER) IS INDEED LEAVING THE SHOW IN ORDER TO PURSUE “OTHER DREAMS”. APPARENTLY, BURTON FEELS THAT HER CHARACTER SAWYER(/SCOTT?!!!) HAS RUN ITS COURSE AND THERE IS SIMPLY NOT MUCH LEFT FOR HER TO DO.

UMMMM HELLO. IN THE LAST SEASON ALONE SHE WAS RECONNECTED WITH LUCAS, KNOCKED-UP, MARRIED AND NOW MAY OR MAY NOT BE DYING. 

IN AN INCREDIBLY SOAP-OPERA LIKE WAY PEYTON PLEADED TO HER BESTFRIEND BDAVIS TO TAKE CARE OF BOTH HER UNBORN CHILD AND LUCAS, GOD-FORBID SOMETHING HAPPENED TO HER.

FGJKHDJKGHDFJGH SO IS THAT WHAT ALL THIS BS IS ABOUT??!

WE’RE REALLY TRYING TO RECONNECT BROOKE & LUCAS.

I DON’T KNOW SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING SORTA FISHY IS GOING ON DOWN ON THE SET OF ONE TREE HILL.

I MAY HAVE TO TAKE A SURPRISE ROAD-TRIP DOWN TO NATHAN’S DRESSING ROOM,

I MEAN TO THE SET OF OTH AND SEE WHAT THE REAL DEAL IS.

BTU SERIOUSLY, HOW AWKWARD MUST IT BE FOR SOPHIA BUSH (BROOKE) AND CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY (LUCAS) TO WORK TOGETHER AFTER DATING, BEING ENGAGED, GETTING MARRIED, HIM CHEATING ON HER WITH PARIS “SHITEOUS” HILTON”, AND THEN PROPOSING TO ONE TREE HILL’S 18-YEAR-OLD EXTRA?!!!!

THAT PRETTY MUCH SPELLS OUT “DICK MOVE” IN ABOUT TEN DIFFERENT LANGUAGES?

AND YET, 

SOPHIA GOT THE LAST LAUGH BECAUSE

SHE IS REPORTEDLY DATING TREE HILL HEART THROB

JAMES LAFFERTY OTHERWISE KNOWN AS “MY FUTURE HUSBAND” AKA NATHAN SCOTT.

GET EM GIRL.

AND AS FOR OTH WRITER MARK SCHAWN,

YOU SIR CAN SUUUUUCK IT.

THE SHOW BETTER NOT BE OVER,

OR I WILL SUE.