This Little Girl Can Sit-N-Spin Like A Mother Fucker

Sadly, I don't know if I have ever dominated a children's toy as well as this little Dora the explorer girl dominated the shit out of this sit-n-spin. I guess you could say I was pretty damn good at torpedo. That rubber dildo that you throw in the pool. Pinpoint accuracy, getting it to jump out of the water and into someone's face, pretty good. But this bitch is triple-sow-cowing this sit-n-spin like she's Christina Yamaguchi or some shit. Wasn't even dizzy when she got up. And where was my sit-n-spin when I was little? All I had was an office chair with wheels. Got the job done, but nothing like the sit-n-spin. Shit.

I Need This Beer Fetching Dog Yesterday

I would love to see a cat do this shit. You were probably like me and thought, yeah but he didn't close the fridge. Be patient mother fucker. Dog went back. Because Peaches knows what's up.

Blonde Jokes Happen In Real Life. Or At Whitesox Games

Ha. Gotta say that the brunette right next to her should have noticed too. I guess all blonde jokes could just as easily be women jokes. Because everyone knows all women are stupid. Not just the blonde ones. The blonde ones just know how to use their stupidity to their advantage. Meaning they can act like they're too dumb to realize that they're being tricked into being shmanged by dudes. But in reality, that's what they wanted all along. So really, they are the smarter of the two?

P.S. Everyone knows all red heads get down.

First Dirk Celebration Pic

From ESPN:

MIAMI BEACH – Dirk Nowitzki barely celebrated throughout the Mavericks’ magical run. He made an exception after the sweep of the Lakers, cheating on his diet to eat some pizza.
Then he really let loose after the Mavs finished the job by beating the Heat to claim the franchise’s first championship.
Nowitzki joined owner Mark Cuban and the rest of Mavericks players and support staff to party at Club Liv, located at the Fountainebleau Hotel in Miami Beach. Dirk, who abstains from alcohol all season, gleefully chugged from the giant champagne bottle Cuban ordered and passed to his franchise player.
That was one of at least 100 champagne bottles ordered by the Mavs’ party, which passed around the Larry O’Brien Trophy while dancing in the club. Much of the Mavs’ party, including Nowitzki and Cuban, stayed in the club and savored the moment until about 5 a.m.

I need video of this. I need it so bad.

Is This The Most Gracious Winning NBA Owner Of All Time?

From ESPN:

MIAMI -- Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban said championship parades and title rings just aren't his style, but the 2010-11 NBA champions will be riding floats through the streets of Dallas very soon.
And Cuban said he's picking up the tab.
"We'll do it," Cuban said early Monday morning. "All I told them was -- Terdema Ussery, our president -- you plan the parade. I'll pay for it because I don't think it's right for the city to have to pay for it. And let's just have some fun."
Any talk of a parade prior to the Mavs' 105-95 Game 6 victory over the Miami Heat on Sunday night was considered taboo.
Five years ago, after Dallas took a 2-0 lead in the Finals over the Heat and were bound for South Beach, parade plans were revealed and it became the first embarrassing mishap in an epic meltdown that has finally come to an end.
City officials still haven't set a date.
One area where Cuban hinted he might break with tradition is presenting championship rings to his players.
"I might not get rings," the Mavs' billionaire owner told NBATV. "Rings are old school. You've seen it before: There's guys who pick up the sweats and towels and they have these big, blingy rings. I'm like, 'Rings are done. It's time to take it to the next level.'"
What does he have up his sleeve? Cuban refused to reveal what he was thinking.

First he lets Don Carter accept the Larry then he takes the tab for the victory parade? Unreal. Don't know how I feel about him changing things up and possibly not getting his players, coaches, towel boys, etc. rings however. Imagine if you heard this shit after a whole year or possibly even years of being towel bitch. So I did all this shit and now that we finally are going to get a giant ass shiny ring, you're telling me "rings are done?" How's little towel boy going to get his dick wet now? Probably the same way he did before winning an NBA championship. Which coincidentally ends with a towel. On the other hand he's wanting to take it to the next level, so I will reserve my real judgment until he reveals what that is.

Lebron James Takes Responsibility For Being A Shit Player. Not Really.

Is Lebron nightmarishly bad, or is Lebron nightmarishly bad. Even Wilbon is taking aim at how pathetic this shit is. Jordan wouldn't do this shit. Bird wouldn't do this shit. No great player would. Only punk bitches. The King is dead. Long live King Dirk. Long live Bishop Cardinal. Long live Duke Barea.

I'm Sure This Is How Dirty Dirk Got Down Last Night

Probably was knee deep in skanks and scallywags till early this morning. Think about how tall Dirk is. That is a lot of skanks and scallywags. His knee deep is probably your life goal. Just punking the shit out of your p game. Man I hope some drunken Dirk videos or pics pop up. Why? Because I will probably never be lucky enough to party with Dirk, but if I could just see some more drunk videos or pics after this victory I would be partially satisfied. Help me out internet.