Alright, I’ll level with you reader(s), I was gonna write a point by point blog post of my own about what’s been happening in the world of sports since last Sunday. I was. I mean, there is a tremendous amount of things to talk about. Have you heard the one where Mike Vick threatened to sick his dogs on Andy Reid if he wasn’t made the starter? (womp womp)
What about Vince Young being benched in favor of Vinny Testaverde impersonator Kerry Collins? Was that really a good move in light of Vince Young being a) a proven leader late in games and b) Young being as unstable and as sensitive as I am after a few Rob Roy’s?
Certainly I would be remised if I didn’t talk at length about the demise of the Cowboys and the Vikings (and the great exaggeration there of). Two supposed contenders in a slump, Wade Phillips on the hot seat, and Brett Favre looking like a shell of the ageless hero that walked onto the field game after game last season… it’s a veritable perfect storm unfolding before our eyes and it has to be talked about (just ask ESPN-I mean, cheese and crackers).
Indeed, I intend to talk about all of that with gusto… tomorrow. Yes, in addition to my rock solid picks, which I’m tired of Troy apologizing for because I came out with a convincing record in a ridiculous week of upsets and because I’m the greatest, I will cover each of those topics with my trademarked brand of genius. For now, however, I would like to talk about the most important thing to ever happen in the history of mankind… ever: HULKAMANIA!
Because, frankly brother… has it not run wild on you? Hulk Hogan not only body slammed Andre the Giant into the void and sold Rick Flair’s heart medicine on the street as ecstasy to keep a charity children's hospitial from being closed down and turned into a acid factory, but also he wrote perhaps the greatest album in music history; simply titled Hulk Rules.
And boy does he ever. This album is full of gems, from terrible rap (because every asshole, even Rodney Dangerfield, rapped in the late 80s) to terrible ballads, this masterpiece has it all. Just check out the wonderfully crooned "Hulkster in Heaven" about a little boy who dies of cancer and, years later, gets to tag team wrestle with Hulk Hogan in the hereafter. Yes, it’s something all of us children of the 80s dreamed about doing: dying of cancer, having hulk Hogan write a song about it, and then finally getting a chance to tag the Hulkster in for a finishing leg drop on that bastard Macho Man Randy Savage… in heaven... with Jesus and John the Baptist and Lot (and his sexy, sassy daughters) all watching approvingly. Never mind that the lyrics, music, and singing are bad enough to raise that little cancer stricken boy back from the grave… the Hulkster does it again, baby!
Anyhow, check back tomorrow for all that cool stuff I promised. Trust me, you’ll want to witness for yourself how badly I trounce the main proprietor of this blog in the weekly pick win/loss column again. It’s gonna be a, ahem, “blizzard” of fun!
Oh, and NWO FOR LIFE! -Blake Broussard
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