K-Rod?

Dear A-Rod,

Please break up with Kate Hudson. For one, you belong with me. For two, you "benched" yourself in the last game for what you call exhaustion, but really let's be honest, you were too busy sucking face with Kate (who I love by the way, as an actress though, not as A-Rod's lover). And for three, you belong with me.

PS. please stop taking steroids. They make your peepee smaller.

<3,

ChrissyCap.