Guy Bursts Into Flames While Jacking Off At Porn Store

From The Associated Press:
SAN FRANCISCO—Police say a man is hospitalized with life-threatening injuries after he apparently caught on fire inside a San Francisco adult bookstore.
Lt. Troy Dangerfield said Thursday that the man was seen ablaze and running out of the Golden Gate Adult Superstore in the city's South of Market neighborhood Wednesday night.
Dangerfield said several onlookers attempted to help the burning man as he ran past them. He said a group of nearby firefighters eventually grabbed the man and extinguished the flames.
The man, whose name has not been released, was taken to St. Francis Memorial Hospital after suffering severe burns over most of his body.
Dangerfield said police do not know how the man caught on fire.
The incident is under investigation.

This hit the internet wires a day or two ago, but I refrained from posting it because I was waiting for the inevitable security camera footage. And what do ya know, like most things these days the internet delivers with some video footage.

You know what was going through my head the whole time watching this video? How irritating would it be to be one of those dudes that witnessed this in the porn shop? Like you just witnessed one of the coolest, most badass intense fire-inducing jackoff sessions but it's not like you can really share your experience with family, co-workers and friends. It's not generally excepted to start off a story, regardless of how awesome it is with: "So I was getting ready to jackoff at this porn shop when..." I guess you could look at the bright side and consider it a great "death bed" story. I think it is important to have something worth while to whisper into your son's ear in your final hour, and maybe the fact that you witnessed a guy spontaneously combusting into flames from fapping too hard is as good as any. Glass half-full kind of thing I suppose.

P.S. I put this Bloodhound Gang song in the background for two reasons:
1. I just downloaded it reminiscing about middle school.
2. It seemed slightly appropriate for the whole "degenerate-jacker-offer-flame-combuster" scenario